And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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