i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
