May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
