I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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