Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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