if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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