i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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