SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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