I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
