remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize