Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
As shirtless as possible
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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