I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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