you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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