Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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