If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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