Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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