I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
