You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos