I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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