I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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