this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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