I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.