someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately