The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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