Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
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The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
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Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..