I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.