God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER