i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.