no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.