And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
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