In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
