You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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