sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
