so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
