So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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