guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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