there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize