I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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