I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I skipped work to stalk him.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
