Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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