Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
