Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
