If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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