then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
