His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
