He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
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he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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