I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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