man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
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She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You ruined the universe
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