So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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