More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
