If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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