I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
