you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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