I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
