he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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